What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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