If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
