what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
