OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
