when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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