sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
