Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
