I think I died a long time ago.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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