I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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