Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
