he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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