I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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