my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
