return my video game
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
