you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
