We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
