I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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