Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
