and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
