P.S. I can't hear my feet
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
