mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We named our party play list daddy issues
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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