I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
