Operation Purity has been aborted
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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