Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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