I heard we made out
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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