he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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