Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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