there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Can vaginas get frostbite?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
