Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
