Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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