8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
