Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
