she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize
