only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
