Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
