is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
