before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dicks are not precious.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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