i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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