did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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