this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
