i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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