either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
