you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
