i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
