so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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