we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
