Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
