I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
