Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Jerry, you need to find god
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
