Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
