last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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