She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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