alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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