as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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