Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
