She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
