Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
