Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
