It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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