I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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