they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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