My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
