Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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