god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize