I got chris browned last night
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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