New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
