You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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