Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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