You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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